Who has not watched the Olympics of late? I must admit that some of the events are more exciting than others. I am totally convinced that curling was invented by some housewives who wanted to trick their husbands into doing some sweeping.
So I am thinking of the some new events for the next Winter Olympics that might involve church folks.
Acolyte Exit Jump--Most of the altars are built up a few steps. So as the acolytes leave, could they do a two and half twist while keeping the candle still burning. Extra points could be awarded for a stunt off the front seats or pews as we know they are unoccupied. A perfect score could include startling Mr. Smith who sleeps soundly each week.
Usher Free Style Figure Skating--Why could not the ushers do a skating routine that is both stylistic and functional? Imagine the ushers twirling around the corners of the aisles graciously offering the plate to those waiting. Loss of anything from the plates would mean points lost. The music would be adapted for each service. Oh and just imagine what the costumes could look like if it were held during Mardi Gras.
Two or four Person Bobsled Parking Competition--Fill the parking lot with ice or water and see who can push the bobsled fast enough to move through the parking lot missing pedestrians and cars while ending up perfectly parked in the handicapped parking lot. By the time they get there someone would be handicapped.
Speed Skating--Two versions of this could be offered. The first round could be the Sopranos rushing through the parking lot and into the choir room just in time to get their robe on and sing! An alto or two might qualify for this competition as well. The most exciting round would be the exit from worship through the back door, out the parking lot, and into the eating establishment to "beat the other denominations." Again penalties would be given for those whom you knocked down, did not speak to, and whether you shook the preacher's hand.
Olympic gold medals are treasures of this world. They represent hours and hours of dedication and discipline that focus on a very intense time of performance. It is an honor to even compete.
Let us celebrate the accomplishments of all. By the way, maybe we could increase church attendance if we handed out gold medals every once in a while? Nah, I don't think Jesus would go for it!
Pray for me as I pray for you.
In the Master's Name,
Rev. Dr. M. Jack O'Dell
Lead Pastor
www.midweekmanna.com
www.stlukesimpson.org
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