Monday, February 23, 2015

Honor Your Father and Mother



When I was a small child, I am sure that I was a handful.  I KNOW I was a handful.  Creative children are always a challenge.  It must have taken great patience.  When I was four, PC Edwards and I went to kindergarten for one day.   One day.   For some reason which I have never been told neither one of us went back the second day.  How does one get kicked out of kindergarten the first day?

I am writing this sitting next to Dad’s hospital bed.   The sentences and thought patterns are interrupted by the gargling snore that my dad has when he sleeps.  About every ten minutes I stop and cover him with the hospital sheet he has kicked off.  He is at peace for a while.  Then he becomes restless.  I am not sure how long this will go on.  But it doesn’t matter.

Earlier this evening, I watched my mom, his wife for over 65 years, feed him what little supper he would eat.    After each bite he would say that was enough.  Then she would load up another bite and coax him to eat a little bit more.   She is recuperating from the flu and is weak.  But it doesn’t matter for her either. 

For all of us who are caring for our parents in their last years, it is difficult.  But while being difficult it also can be a blessing!  What does one do?  What does one not do?

Do the best you can based on the current information you have.

Assessing the situation can be the most difficult thing.  This a reason why you need to have a very good communication relationship with your parent’s physicians and primary caregivers.   You need to be given and understand the best information available to make the next step.    All of the family members who are involved in the decision need to have the best information. 

When my sister Karen was ill, we soon learned that getting information second hand was not very reliable.  Karen would be frustrated with the interpretation that Mom and Dad had given to her doctor visits as well.  Finally she began taking a small tape recorder with her to her doctor’s visit.  She would then play the tape for us when we would ask.  We heard the doctor’s words.  This is made easier in today’s world with the phone technology.  You can record easily what is said.  Most doctor’s welcome this.

Then you make the call and go forward based on what you know.

Stay in your head and your heart.

It is heartbreaking and a helpless feeling.  There are times when you can do nothing but be present. In those moments, BE PRESENT! There are times when you are angry with something or someone in the situation.  There are times when you will shake your fist at God and scream.  It is okay.   A broken heart has much grief to bear and share. It is so helpful to make some important decisions BEFORE you find yourself dealing with this.

But also stay in your head.  Remind yourself that people say things they do not mean.  Remind yourself that your parents are frustrated and helpless too!  Remind yourself that life is difficult for all.  Remind yourself that God IS present even when it does not seem like it.  Make rational decisions that you know in your head are right even when your heart aches.

One of the experiences of life that helps me in this exercise is flying.  The airplane takes off in the wind and rain.  Then it begins to climb into the clouds.  In the clouds you can see nothing!  There is a part of you that fears the blindness.  But the pilot is not blind.  The pilot is flying with certainty.  Finally the airplane makes its way above the clouds.  Above the clouds the sun IS shining.  The skies ARE blue. 

So it is with these difficult moments of caring for aging parents.  God IS present and there WILL BE an unclouded day. 

Do not go it alone.

I do not know how people without a church family do it.  This is the time when you let the church BE the church.  This is the time when the church steps up.  If the church fails during this time of life, it sucks.

Harsh words, I know.  But if the church cannot be present during this time, it sucks.

Now having said this, you have to allow the church to be present.  This means you have to call when you need help.  The pastor and church members do not receive a message from the heavens every morning.   You need to be willing to ask for help.  You need to let them know how you can be helped.

Help may be food.  Help may be in the form of sitting.  Help may be in the form of transportation.  Help comes in many ways. Surely help is prayers!    I had a church member once who was willing to sit with the dying and read scripture.   It was her gift.  She would read scripture for a while and then just sit.  Seldom did she enter into any other conversation.  Her presence was the greatest conversation anyone could have. 

If you go it alone when death does indeed come, you will be alone.   Once one begins to incubate or isolate one’s self, it is habit forming.  It is hard to get out again.

Do not make promises you cannot keep.

“Promise me….”  It is hard to not make promises when life seems so fragile.  Making promises you will not be able to keep is the cornerstone for a huge building of regret and guilt.  You are struggling for words to say and deeds to do.  What is the best response?

“We will have to see what happens.  I promise I will make the best decision when the time comes!” 

This response is what I believe to be the most truthful and authentic response.  While honoring your parents, it also gives you the freedom to make good decisions in the days ahead.

Spend time wisely.

The river of regrets flows through our lives more than we realize.  Your most valuable asset is your time.  Spend it wisely.  Spend time remembering.  Spend time listening to those stories being told.  Ask questions you never dreamed of asking.  Laugh. Cry.  Laugh again.  Cry again. Remember more!  Concentrate more on being than doing.  

The river of regrets can become a small tributary into the sea of blessings.  The sea of blessings never runs dry if you spend your time wisely.  

Honor your father and mother.   It is more than a commandment.  It is a blessing you receive and give!

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday.

It is the day that follows Mardi Gras (the crash course in sin and consumption).  It is the day that humanity realizes all will die.  You cannot take it with you.  The things of the world will not fill you.    You need a Savior.  From dust you came and to dust you will return.

"Can't you say some more uplifting words?"  The question was asked by a person just entering ministry.  She found the words, "From dust you came, to dust you will return" downright depressing.  It seemed like Jesus would want us to proclaim good news.

The day we (and I emphasize "WE"--not just Catholics) wear ashes is a the beginning of a season of repentance and sacrifice.  It stands opposite of what our culture tells us.  To prepare ourselves for Easter we give up things.  Some give up Facebook.  Others will give up chocolate.  Still others will not participate in a meaningful activity for the season of Lent. (Forty days not counting Sundays).  The sacrifice is made to focus upon the Spiritual side of life.  Without this focus, the sacrifice is meaningless.  I gave something up--so what?  

Lent is also the time when you are invited to look within your walk with Christ and others.  Are you involved in an intimate walk with Jesus?  Does the love and mercy of Jesus show itself in your relationship with others?  Or do you continue to just be you?  Where do you need to invite Jesus to remake your character?  Where do you need to practice forgiveness?

Some people during the season of Lent will "take on" holy habits.  It is a time when a time of prayer or study is added to your already busy schedule.  Lent can be a time when you can write letters of encouragement or gratitude to others in your life.  Acts of mercy towards the poor such as serving in a soup kitchen or homeless shelter is another expression of Lent.  Visiting a nursing home to console the sick and lonely.  

I hope you will take note of the presence of Ashes today.  It is one way in which we all admit that we need a Savior.  This world cannot save us.  This world leaves us empty.  It is a forward anticipation of the power of the resurrection which we will celebrate Easter morning.

Pray for me as I pray for you.

In the Master's Name,


Dr. M. Jack O'Dell
www.midweekmanna.com

Thursday, January 22, 2015

Be Kind

How much effort does it take to be kind?

It had been a rough day at work and at home for her.  And her work was still not over.  As she was driving to pick up the kids and make one more stop at the grocery store before she went home to do the house work, it happened.   A car pulled out in front of her and she knew that she was going to not only hit the car but probably would be hit by the car behind her.  Her initial reaction was not good.  There was not a good or virtuous thought anywhere in her mind.  Fortunately the accident was averted.  With a sigh of relief she proceeded and eventually the car that has pulled out in front of her ended up at the same place she was going.   A part of her wanted to really give this person a piece of her mind when the elderly lady approached her.

"I am so sorry for pulling out in front of you.  It has been a rough go today and I am not at my best.  My daughter in law just called to tell me that my son and grandson were in an auto accident and died.  My husband of fifty years died last week.  I just do not know what to do.  I had to get out today.  I am at a loss.  I am so sorry.  Please forgive me."  And she walked away.

She admitted that she now felt about two inches tall.  She was speechless.  Frozen.   Before she could gather herself and respond, the lady disappeared.  She searched the store looking for her.  Finally she went out to the parking lot and the car was gone.  How could a frail little woman disappear so quickly?  Had she been frozen or paralyzed longer than she realized?  

Finally she gave up and went on her way.  But the words and picture of the frail little woman would not leave her mind.  It replayed over and over.   While the replay was going on in one side of her brain, she was more than aware of her harshness in reacting to the woman pulling out in front of her.  That played over and over again as well.

What was God teaching her in this moment?  

Kindness.

How much effort does it take to train the mind to think kind thoughts instead of reacting harshly?  The truth of the matter is that it takes more effort than we can imagine.   It takes the presence of the Holy Spirit in our everyday life.  It means wondering about the other person before reacting.  It means getting out of our own stuff long enough to see others in a different light.

I think that Jesus was Nazareth was a kind man.  He had a gentleness about him that drew people towards him.  I think he had a warm smile.   I think he laughed more than we can imagine.  Jesus was not so much worried about his own burdens.  He saw the weight of the world on others.  

My challenge to you today is to practice kindness.  Give others the benefit of doubt.  Smile at strangers.   Offer encouraging words.  

Pray for me as I pray for you.

In the Master's Name,


Dr. M. Jack O'Dell
www.midweekmanna.com


Thursday, January 15, 2015

Are You a Risk Taker?

Risk is defined  the potential of losing something of value.   I like to think of myself of being a risk taker, but in reality I live a pretty safe life.  What about you?

One of the questions that came into focus for me when starting a new congregation was how many non church people I really came into contact with.    I came to the conclusion that as a preacher I could pretty much spend all of my time with church folks.  The truth is that most church members WANT the preacher to spend most of his/her time with church folks.  After all,  they ARE members.    For a week I charted the conversations I had with strangers, non church folks, and members.  Yup,  you guessed it.  Church folks won out big time.  
As a result of that I began to think of ways to have contact with the outside world.  I found out that my risk factor was lower than I thought.    I was not sure of what I was losing, but I knew that I was not winning.  

Then I dared to ask the question of risking with church folk.  How could I engage church folk in a way that stepped into the "unsafe" world? It is the world where you challenge prejudice and oppression.  You stop laughing at jokes that are oppressive.  It is the world where you engage people in serious conversations of faith.  I soon became aware of the possibility of great loss.   

The other day I went to my financial adviser for my annual review.  His question---how much risk are you willing to take?  The greater rewards also involve greater risks.  No risk brings little rewards.  I certainly did not want to be foolish!

Harry Denman was a Methodist preacher in the early part of the 20th century.  He challenged people to live a simple life   He brought the message of Christ to all people.  Denman's evangelistic zeal defined evangelism and still impacts our church today.  The story is told that at one of his gatherings he was preaching a rather vigorous message that called for great risk for the sake of the Gospel  At the end of his sermon, he was handed a piece of paper with one word on it--"FOOL!"  Denman was known for his great wit.  He responded by saying, "It is a miracle.  I have had many many letters written to me where people have forgotten to sign their name.  But tonight, I received a note where someone has signed their name and forgot to write the message!"

Paul in the letter to the new Christians in Corinth proclaims that he will be a fool for Christ!   Men and women of great faith seem foolish to many.    The greater loss is seen in not presenting the Gospel! 

I think Jesus modeled for us risky behavior.  He was on the "edge" of society.  He hung out with the wrong crowd.  He said the right things regardless of popular religion.  Jesus did not live a safe life.  Now I can hear some of you saying, "...but he was Jesus!"  Yes he was!    
 
So all of this is to ask you where is God calling you to greater risk?

Pray for me as I pray for you.

In the Master's Name,


Dr. M. Jack O'Dell
www.midweekmanna.com
www.stlukesimpson.org

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

You Make A Difference!

There are times when we downplay our significance.  "It won't matter if I do not attend church today..."  "If I skip a month of giving, it won't make a big difference for the the church..."  It is a form of self pity in some instances.  In other times it is one way to excuse our behavior from the norm.  I want you to know that what you do or do not do today matters!!!  

A friend of mine posted this story.  As I read it I could not help but chuckle.  Maybe you will too!
 
One year, a young Ojibwe boy was given the task of ensuring the entire village had enough wood for winter. This was the first time he had been given such an honor and he wanted to do it right. Before he went to work he decided to call the weatherman to ask what kind of a winter was to be expected. The weather man told him it was going to be a warm and uneventful winter. The boy thought to himself, 'this is great. I won't have to work too hard and I'll be able to look good in front of the whole tribe.'

Just to be safe, he gathered a few of his friends and they went to work for a week. At the end of the week, after chopping and piling the wood, the boy decided to give the weatherman a second call. The weatherman told him it was going to be a very cold winter. Shocked at this sudden change and not wanting to disappoint the elders of his village, he gathered more of his friends and they went to work. For two weeks they cut and piled wood, hoping that it would be enough to last the whole winter.

Once again the boy called the weatherman and this time the weatherman told him, "Son, its going to be a very bitter, cold and long winter. Maybe the worst winter on record."

Exasperated, the boy had to ask, "What makes you say that sir?"

The weatherman replies, "The Indians are gathering wood like crazy!"
 (http://indiancountrytodaymedianetwork.com/2015/01/02/native-humor-preparing-winter-158528)
 
When Jesus told the parable of the Good Samaritan, it was a story showing how the actions of a seemingly non religious outsider were exemplary in what it means to love.  The actions of the Good Samaritan mattered!  That is why it is called the "Good" Samaritan.  
 
Some of the greatest heroic actions that people take have been because they were doing what they knew to be right.  When asked afterwards why one would do such a thing the answer would be "It was the right thing to do."  
 
As the bitter cold sets in across our nation, let us do good.  Let us know that our actions matter.  Let us realize that our inaction also matters.  
 
Pray for me as I pray for you.
 
In the Master's Name,
 
Dr. M. Jack O'Dell
www.midweekmanna.com
www.stlukesimpson.org

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Make this the Year of Doing It!

Years ago someone gave me a round piece of wood the size of a coin.  These words were written on it, "This is a "roundtoit".  Spend this coin doing the important things!"  

You know the things you are going to get around to doing.  One day I will travel.  Some day I am going to learn how to play the piano.  When this happens, then I am going to make this happen.  All of us have these fleeting thoughts.   We live with the idea that time will never run out and things will get done.  Life remains busy.  We stay in the rat race of life.  We walk the treadmill at a great pace going no where only to find that tomorrow we must get back on it.

So as this year ends and a new one begins what will you do?   In the year ahead, will you get "aroundtoit"?  Or will this year be the same as last year?

O. Dean Martin was a preacher I heard when I was in my late teens.  I still remember some of his sermons.  I guess it was a time when I was searching.  Maybe it was the time when I was allowing God to imprint my heart with certain messages that would get me through the rest of life.  One of the lines that Dean gave to me still rings in my ears.  "Bring the matter to a crisis!"  

Crisis usually finds us.  Rarely do we seek to make them.   However a crisis demands us to respond.  Most of the time a crisis brings a reaction.  However a planned crisis can be a time of responding.  It is the day that you decide to make it happen.  You are going to take action.  Planned crisis involved a strategy with some level of accountability.  Avoidance is no longer an option.  

As the year begins what are you willing to make happen?  Maybe you should think about some areas where planned crisis would be a good thing.  Prayer life?  Stewardship of all resources?  A change in the direction of your life?  A different allocation of time--family over work, self care over indulgence, rest over busyness, or forgiveness rather than bitterness?  Instead of a critical tongue an encouraging word?

Maybe you have heard this before.  To translate certain words into another language it sometimes requires more words.  The word, "crisis" in the Chinese language is translated "dangerous opportunity". 

We like to think that time will never run out.  There are endless days and hours to get things done.  This is an illusion.  We all have a limited amount of time on this earth.  None of us know when our time will end.   This is why the important things in life must get done today--this year.

Make this the year of doing it.  Whatever "it" is for you--make sure it gets done.

Pray for me as I pray for you.  Happy New Year!

In the Master's Name,

Dr. M. Jack O'Dell
www.stlukesimpson.org
www.midweekmanna.com
   

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Christmas Eve

Today is Christmas Eve.

What memories do you have of Christmas Eve?

As a little boy, I remembered getting everything ready.  The milk and cookies were set out.  Was there just the right amount?  Chocolate milk or white milk?    How many cookies?  Having to be made to go to bed!  Family and extended family sometimes were in the house.   How hard it was to finally fall asleep.  What was that noise I heard?  Can I get up yet?  

The biggest memories of Christmas Eve for me was church.  The church was always full.  My job was to hand out the bulletins and candles.   Then at a particular time in the service, I was one of the lucky ones that got to walk down the aisle and offer light to each person sitting on the end of the pew.  It was amazing to see all the light fill the darkness.  While the candles were being lit, the words and tune of Jesu Bambino filled the air.  All of a sudden a bright light would come on and in the corner of the front of the church a woman dressed as Mary would appear holding a child.   I remember the blue on blue garment that Mary would wear.   Sometimes the baby would cry.  

O Come Let Us Adore Him!    Through the eyes of a child it just seemed as though it was the only option that was there!  To be in the presence of Jesus brought this sense of awe and wonder.  

The worship service would conclude with Silent Night.  As we sang "sleep in heavenly peace" the candles were lifted to the sky.  It seemed as though the light and warmth of our holy place connected to heaven.    The world in my childish eyes was safe and secure.  Now I know that it IS safe and secure because Christ is born.

Tonight I will again experience the wonder of Christmas Eve.  I will sing Jesu Bambino.  I will hold the candle and sing Silent Night.  I will raise the candle and join the heavens as I sing "sleep in heavenly peace."  As you celebrate the birth of Christ, it is my prayer that you place in the memories of your children and family more than a bearded man, milk, and cookies.  May you experience the heavenly peace of Christ be born.

Merry Christmas!  Christ is Born.  The world IS secure and safe in God's love.

Pray for me as I pray for you.

In the Master's Name,

Dr. M. Jack O'Dell
www.stlukesimpson.org
www.midweekmanna.com