Leave the Porch Light On!

I have a confession to make. Now it is not a manly confession, but who cares. One wise sage told me once that real men cry. It is the other type of men that will not admit it.
As I watched my younger son leave for grad school again after the Christmas holidays, I cried. I am not sure if my kids know that I cry when I say good bye. It is not an outward weeping type of cry. But it is tears in my eyes and a voice cracking type of cry. I try to tell them two things—I am proud of them and to remember who they are!
I wonder how many days he sat or stood on the porch. When Jesus told the story, it was a fact left out. It did not matter. In fact, the story gives one the impression that looking out in the distance from the porch was something that happened.
While one is sitting on the porch wondering and worrying, life goes on. You try to go on as well. Some days are good days your mind does not wander or wonder. But at least once during the day, you stand on the porch and look out. You wonder if somewhere someone is reminding them of how much they are loved. You dream of maybe a stranger saying something that tugs their heart homeward. Is a stranger giving them the grace they deserve? Are they well? Are they safe? From the porch so many questions can overwhelm you. Who can I draw into the conspiracy of love?
Then you remember that the porch is where God goes before us. It is God's prevenient grace that is porch grace. It is the expression of grace that you only recognize in hind sight. It is grace that brought you safe thus far. It is the grace that leads you home. It is the divine conspiracy by God and God's people to lure you back where you belong. It is the place and space when you do remember who you are and WHOSE you are.
When Jesus told the porch story, he said that when the son was far away. When the son was at a distance, the father recognized him. And the father did what fathers are not supposed to do in that day---run out to meet the one that was lost and is now found! The father lifted his robe and ran out of his shoes. Tears filled his eyes! Joy filled his heart! The conspiracy of love and grace had brought back to life that which was thought to be dead and gone.
You see, our tears and fears are about losing and letting go. It is a strange potion of happiness, fear, and joy. But the porch is a part of being a parent as is conspiring to love a part of the parental journey.
When my son was growing up, there were times when he would get angry at us because we would not let him do what he thought he should do or needed to do. At those times, I would tell him in a joking manner, "Don't you realize that mom and I stay up at night creating ways to make your life miserable!" One day when he was particularly unhappy with some parental boundaries he looked at me and said, "I guess you and mom stayed up all night long dreaming up this one!"
Yeah, we leave the porch light on….as we conspire to love.
Pray for me as I pray for you.